Topic 13.6. Self Fulfillment

Self Fulfillment

For many people, making lots of money, having an impressive home filled with the latest toys and gadgets, and going on expensive holidays, is the life they dream of. They believe that the aim of life is to work hard and become so financially successful that they would never have to go without anything. They equate financial independence with safety, love, acceptance and self-worth, and believe that the harder they work, the more success they achieve. But, ultimately, in all the ways that really matter, they aren’t any happier than when they didn’t have all of their material attachments.

Whilst this may be hard for some people to believe, particularly those who are struggling financially, the truth is, that sustainable peace and joy can never be achieved by obtaining something outside of the Self. The things we acquire give us a fleeting sense of happiness, but as with any addiction, you always need more. This means working more, doing more, being busy, not being able to stop for fear of losing it all, or once again, not having enough. The cost of this obsessive need to work, is often borne by the family. If you are always working, you’re so rarely with them. The material things you provide for them are not enough. You could conclude that they want more from you, and then you resent this – but all they really want is you!

Attaching our ability to be happy, successful, loved, worthy, secure… (you can fill in the words appropriate for you) to something or someone outside of ourselves, is a trap. Our ego self tells us that this is what we need but this needing it becomes our addiction which can never be more than temporarily satisfied.

As a result of their flawed thinking, many people’s lives become an untenable existence, completely unmanageable and they are in real danger of losing everything that really matters. The only true sustainable peace, joy, and love comes from within. It’s certainly okay to have all of those things you dream of, as long as you don’t attach your happiness to having them.

Self-fulfillment is a goal each one of us craves. To be self-fulfilled is to no longer need external things, such as a relationship, more money, a better car/home/whatever, or more holidays, in order to feel happy. Being self-fulfilled is to be fulfilled within ourselves, being happy in life, because we know that at the core of who we are, is everything we need. In a way, this comes from a deeper, spiritual understanding, and connecting the dots in our lives and knowing that each of us is here for a greater purpose than what our ego self would have us believe.

This gives our lives meaning. It’s the hollowness of our existence that causes our world to fall apart. But for many of us, this can also be a blessing, because it can be the catalyst through which we ultimately find our path to wellness and healing.

We feel more supported, and we are better able to forgive ourselves and others for the experiences of our past that distorted our thinking and stopped us from finding the peace, love and joy that we ongoingly search for. Looking outside ourselves for reasons why we feel that we are lacking these attributes, does not provide solutions but just keeps us unfulfilled and in a state of uneasiness. We can’t change our past, but we can determine our future. And this happens by being in the ‘now’.

Self or No Self?

Yoga tells us that a strong sense of Self is essential to be psychologically healthy. But Buddhism says that there is no self. How can we reconcile these views?

When yogis speak of a sense of ‘Self’ they are referring to the Atman, the Presence within everyone that emits a feeling that within ourselves is an efficacious beingness, who is self-confident and can act in the world. Atman is in a state of Grace forever. Your Reality is only atman. Therefore, you are in a state of Grace forever.

Buddhists agree that such a sense of self is both realistic and necessary. However, the sense of self that Buddhism says is unrealistic is that of a very solid, unchanging, independent ‘I.’ Such a self never has, and never will, exist. To understand this, is to realise that emptiness is fullness.

Strange though it may sound, someone may have a psychologically weak sense of self, that in Buddhist parlance would be known as strong and self-grasping. For example, a person with poor self-esteem may focus a lot on themselves and have a strong feeling of the existence of an independent self that is inferior, unlovable, and a failure. From a Buddhist viewpoint, such an independent self does not exist, although a conventional self does.

Commit to making your life extraordinary.

Live with what you love.

Do what brings you life.

Quit doing what deadens you.

If you must leave a footprint on the planet, leave a giant one for good.

Each day, when you wake up, ask yourself, what miracles will you perform today?

Awaken to your spiritual powers

and the quest for knowledge hidden within you.

Overflow with the love in your heart.

God is not far off in the distance, or even merely beside you.

God is in every one of us,

as the spirit on fire within.